From The Front Desk To Your Desk...

Monday, January 31, 2005

The Power of Prayer

In my ongoing effort to fight back against the harsh realities of a world that refuse to leave me alone as well as my own self indulgent desires to post something on the web in the vain hope that SOMEONE other then my mother will partake of my ramblings I bring you yet another installment of my on going series describing the state of the mentally unwell along Santa Monica Boulevard.

We have a few regulars, the types of crazies that are really more or less part of the general scene that is our stretch of Santa Monica. These people like “The Crazy Parrot Guy” and a fat man I simply call “Slappy” are very scary at first. They are loud, they are in the way, and they refuse to just let you enjoy a chi latte. But after a while you get used to them, they get used to you and soon they become part of the scenery. Albeit crazy parts of the scenery, but they are just as important on the walk to Starbucks as anything else.

Well there is a new kid on the block, and I think is going to screw things up. How will he do this you ask? There are several reasons and all of them are bothersome. First of all, he is a rover…he doesn’t stay in one place, but paces up and down the sidewalk. Second he is mostly quiet and reflective, save for several occasional outbursts which leads us to, Three. I think he has powers.

I think that this crazy guy is SO crazy he actually manages to drive other people insane and crazy depending on where they are starting. He was walking down the street towards a group of completely normal guys waiting to cross the Boulevard. When he was within ten feet, one guy just dropped his juice, and the other reacted by screaming and leaping INTO traffic. Thankfully this crazy-mans messiah became distracted with something else and halted his advance, otherwise who knows what this idiot who threw himself into traffic might have done! But the real kicker for me was outside of the Hamburger Haven. There is the old guy who is also a crazy who always sits out front and sings. Well The Messiah came up to him double taked, and then started whooping and hollering saying things like “Sing your song, Sing it Man!” as loud as he could while heartily clapping Old Dude on the shoulder. Old Dude became agitated, and then in a clear and steady voice screamed, “Get away from me! You’re crazy!” He then hobbled away. This happened last week, on wed, and since I have not seen OD. This Messiah is clearly not a force to be messed with…yet. But I became a believer in his odd and strange powers when just this morning I saw an old gentleman dressed in a suit and tie that very well could have been OD.

So what’s the lesson? Hell if I know. But things is this neck of the woods are changing, and I’ll be damned if I am going down!

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Now Is The Season Of Our Discontent

Ruination. Doom. Despair. These are a few of my favorite things. Well not really, but the last two weeks of weather here in the City of Angeles has been far from sunny and bright. In fact at times it was down right deadly and while I have no desire for poke fun at the tragedies of mudslides and floods I can’t help but laugh at the fabricated misery being preached all around me by the news, by coworkers and by my own family.

It rained here. Now you have to understand that while it does rain occasionally in LA, it never does so when you can see it. The weather is sneaky; you step inside to pay for gas, you come back outside and the ground is slick and the air smells like electricity. The longest storm I have lived through out here lasted for ten minutes and that drove traffic to a standstill. But this most recent rain was something for the record books. It rained for days and days, with wind and thunder and lightning. The temperature floated in the 50s and all the while the news screamed about how the apocalypse was just around the corner. I laughed. These freaks were worried sick about a little rain. Moron’s I said. Then I tried to drive home.

After hour two in the car (normally a long 45 minute drive to home) I was beside myself. Now I figured that the next day would be better…people would take alternative routes, people would provide a little extra time to get to work. Everything would be fine. WRONG! There was not a single day when I got to work on time or home at least 45 minutes late if not much longer. When I ran into the same traffic this morning my only question in this…why the Hell am I still out here?